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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
time away So I'm sitting here pondering over what was said last night, what happened this morning. I don't want this to be heavy, I love that you adore me in all the little precious ways, I find your enthusiasm over the things you love beautiful. You make my lips drip with honey for you. "I'm not looking for love" I told you, that's true, I'm not. I've been an all or nothing girl in the past however so please bear with me while I explore this uncharted territory with you. I can't tell what I mean. I can't tell what you mean. I can't tell. I'm not confused, no, not confused. Not concerned either. It's good we're taking a few days apart. Things have a tendency to move faster than necessary when there's no time away. Wednesday, March 01, 2006
musing concierge Well, here I am, sitting at work, doing nothing of the sort. Wednesday, October 12, 2005
haitus well, it certainly does seem weird to be posting here after so long. For those of you who are curious I do still have a home here but due to certain more convenient traits I have been posting on Livejournal most. For those of you who are interested in the "other me" my name there is rivernyl also and there is a link to me on the right of this page. Well, that's all for now. Monday, February 28, 2005
asexuality is lookin awful good right about now... I'm not going to go into full detail because honestly I just don't have the energy.... but..... last night i went to nitrogen (a rave) it was kinda lame, i had a really hard time finding a groove (which never happens) and there was just a strange vibe about the whole thing... I met some cool people who live in san fran I looked forward to the after party at the after party K practically fell asleep immediately, it was almost a crash party heh, there were bodies everywhere Autumn, the 17 year old i met online a while back... the one that had been all over me, but i kind of backed away from her for multiple reasons, the main one being the fact that she seemed to be all over anyone who gave her the time of day... well anyways, so she was all over K... K was on a couch and I ended up crashing on the other end of the couch, our feet were overlapping eachother, so her feet were behind my back and my feet were in front of her stomach... well I woke up this morning to them FUCKING ON MY FEET! so yeah.... as soon as I realized what was going on I got up and left, I was so startled by it that I kicked the covers off and no doubt them, but they didn't even say anything to me... Irony is a bitch this whole "bad luck" streak really needs to stop lasting my whole life called elisabeth on the way home and talked, it helped a lot.... went to work... i'm so tired i feel nothing but empty and drained.... on the slightly better side of life my sister decided to sell me her car, which i'm really glad about, i'll be paying $200 a month for it till i've paid off the $2500 so i'll be a broke mo fo for a while i'm seriously considering getting another part time job.... would mean more money to pay bills with and less time for me to get myself into trouble.... Thursday, February 24, 2005
cross posts ugh! Well, my dear friend Elisabeth has been begging me and begging me for weeks now (months?) to begin cross-posting onto my Livejournal, which I honestly only kept so that I could join LJ communities, and view my friend's lj's who were set on "friends only" it eventually evolved into a place I could post my random obsessive quiz results heh... well recently I've begun cross-posting in both, which really isn't a big deal except now NOONE has been replying here, in the blog, where I really want to be... *sniff* it's home to me... so I guess pending any response to this which I am only posting here, I may not continue much more with this blog.. not that many people have been commenting lately anyways... i'm gonna write what I write no matter where it is, but I like comments, I like communication, and LJ is seeming to offer more of that... go ahead, prove me wrong hehe... Wednesday, February 23, 2005
wake up call that shouldn't have been... Well sometime in the middle of the night my eyeball started hurting really bad, I realized I'd left my contacts in so I got up, took them out, took some more Benadryl and went back to sleep. My eye kept hurting throughout the night/morning and I was eventually taken from a dream in which my eye was bleeding profusely and I couldn't get to a doctor, by the sound of my phone ringing. So as I attempted to wake from my Benadryl induced coma I saw that it was none other than the girl I've been pursuing. I do my best to shake the sleep from my eyes, clear my throat, and make my brain begin to work via kick-start... "hello?" "hi, is this Christy?" "uh yeah" "hi this is K******'s ex gf" "okaay" "so I hear you've been calling her a lot and asking her out and I really don't think that that is appropriate and I don't approve" "well I told her what I was doing, and I told her what I was at, I also made sure she knew that I would respect her boundries if she set some, she didn't." "well I don't think that's appropriate since we are trying to work things out and get back together" "well if that is the way that she feels then you won't have to be afraid of me trying anymore, you won't have to be afraid of me as a friend..." she cuts me off... "I aint afraid of no one sheeeiiiit" "uh ok" "she doesn't even know I'm calling" "aah ok" this is making more sense now speaking K's not the kind to sick her ex on a girl coz she's too much of a pussy to reject her herself, doesn't seem like her style.... well anyways that was pretty much the convo, at first I was angry with K thinking she told the ex or wanted the ex to do that, now it just makes me want to try harder. The way K tells it to me, they'd been dating for around 7 months or so, the girl is 18 and has a 1 year old kid... then out of the blue the now ex calls her tells her she's a waste of time, energy and basically a waste of space in the universe, that she never wants to talk to her again and don't ever call her.... sounds similar to the way I got dumped ny keri, and I know that that is no fun at all, I also know that if right after that happened keri had come back, apologized and promised that she wasn't going to fuck with my head anymore, I'd believe her. Or at least I'd want to believe her so badly that I would act on the hope that it was true rather than the probability.... so the fact that her ex called me means she knew my name, and if K didn't tell her to call me the ex sounds like she is very territorial and she can't be very confident in her place with K if she's calling some random chick she met a week ago because she feels threatened... i mean really now heh... So I guess while I said I would respect K's boundries, I never said anything about the ex's bourdaries, granted I'm not looking to get my ass kicked or anything but I would like to follow through with this. .. I don't want to seem like I'm tattleing on the ex, and I don't want to insult the ex, I do want to get my point across that until she herself tells me so, I'm not backing off.... fuck... I sure know how to pick em huh? Tuesday, February 22, 2005
*gurgle gurgle gurgle* ok... so I was supposed to get off at 11 didn't get off till almost midnight just now stepped in the door around 1am. It's snowing a lot again... I've had a fairly miserable day all things considered people were complete idiots at work (not coworkers, guests) too many people were yelling, impatient, unhappy, and just plain rude. I still have this gawd-awful head cold/sinus crap/ear pain thing and... K said no to going on a date with me. she is spending time with her ex on friday she hopes they'll get back together i told her straight up that I was asking her out on a date and did it bother her that I would keep asking until she either said "back off" or "no" she said it didn't bother her and that she really doesn't know what's going on with her and her ex... I told her that I don't take hints, I don't assume anything and that I'm interested in her enough to get turned down a few dozen times though I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that are things ever simple? if things were simple would we still want them after we got them? I have two tickets to the orchestra and am thankful that I didn't make the reservations to the french restaraunt I was planning on taking her.... I would like to go to the orchestra still I don't want to go by myself I don't want to take anyone else I feel like a sick dog that needs to be put down Monday, February 21, 2005
mur so.... semi-update of sorts I suppose... I've since transferred to the front desk so now I am your friendly hotel clerk getting paid about a dollar more an hour, am now guaranteed my full 40 hours and usually a lil extra, and I get to sit on my ass for 8 hours at a time hehe... In other non work-related news, I went to a rave. I had a blast. While I was there I ended up attempting to flirt with this girl there, which ended up in slight embarassment a much of my attempted flirting does... I had seen her outside having a cigarette before and was caught by her eyes immediately. I sort of sought her out after that and ended up finding her spinning glowsticks from long strings, I was just kind of magnatized there staring at her until they ended up getting tangled. After semi watching her and semi going off and dancing for about 20-30 mins I walked up with my courage in my throat and meaning well asked "do you need nails?" and I showed her my nails which I have recently gotten done so they are longer than I've ever had them, I know, weird (or as kelly put it "how is any one going to know you're a dyke if you have your nails done???"). Anywho, so she stares at me in utter bewilderment and I scamper off embarassed. Later I was outside in the smoking area kind of in the corner just people watching, and she glances over at me saying how sad I looked over there in the corner all by myself and that I should go over and talk to her and her friends. She introduces me to everyone and we bull shit for a while, then she says "it was really weird, this chick just comes up to me out of nowhere and asks 'do you need nails'?" I timidly admit that yeah, that was me, she didn't have a clue what i was talking about, we all laughed about it, and have laughed a bit since then about it still heh... well she gives me her number, i get hers, and long story short we've spent nearly every night since on the phone for at least an hour sometimes as much as 4 hours on the phone with eachother. We've hung out once on friday, I had a good time but had to go home early to watch grandma. So... I'm interested in this girl. I have NO intention of rushing things at all. She says she may or may not be moving to Walla Walla, WA in two months but nothing is set in stone and she made sure to reinforce this in my brain a few thousand times while telling me about it.. hm? I would like to see if this could go somewhere. She throws me off balance like no other. Every other time i've been interested in someone I haven't been scared at all, granted my intuition was politely prodding me from the back of my head telling me to run away but did I ever listen once? well no such prodding exists here, fortunately, but unfortunately because i subconsciously knew that those endeavors weren't going anywhere there was never any real fear. Don't get me wrong, I've been hurt, there's been pain, but there's never been any initial fear of rejection. I was fine with whatever happened, whether the feelings were mutual or not I would be ok... So I decided tonight after she told me this that I want to take her out. Let her know I'm serious without putting any pressure on the situation. So I get home and my sister M is there, I ask her if she knows of any websites or anything with upcoming events like concerts and whatnot in the area, because I have someone I'd like to take out but I'm not sure to what yet. She tells me that she has two tickets each for the symphony on thursday and orchestra on friday and would I be interested... well i nearly shit a brick because the girl... K likes classical music apparently.... !!!! so now I'm just trying to figure out where to take her to dinner beforehand... I've never done anything like this before. I've been on your average movie and pizza type date but nothing like dinner and the orchestra before. I've never had anyone take me to something like that and with the exception of one person I've never felt the need to... I don't want to say impress... or even convince.. I'm not sure what word I'm looking for here.. but i've never really felt the need to do something special. maybe impress and convince are the right words just not in the context of where i was initially intending that word.. i don't want to impress her with money or convince her i'm worth getting to know by taking her out, but maybe impress upon her the idea, convince her that i'm not a flake, that i really am interested in her, and that i mean business. Hmmm..... Well I have definetely gotten to the point where this is considered a rant so I'm gonna stop but any suggestions, critisisms, comments, words of encouragment, advice.. whatever.. talk to me people! I know it's been a while since I wrote in here, i've been so busy, but I really would like to hear someone else talk about this besides me hehe... Wednesday, February 02, 2005
names I ran across this site on the popularity of certain names and I ran my father's name which came up as fairly popular throughout many different time periods which he found surprising speaking he's only ever encountered one other person by his name before. Well anyways, his name meant peninsula, so I jokingly asked "no man is an island but he can be a peninsula right?" "water on three sides and soggy in the middle?" hehe... guess you had to be there.... love me! :-D nurgle Well, in case no one has noticed I put an actual link on this blog to my poetry blog and also to the site I host my pictures on. Feel free to browse at will and if anyone is inclined go ahead and post comments on my poetry blog... Just coz I moved my poetry off the beaten path doesn't mean I was trying to give it more privacy, just it's own space. Morgan is working on the layout over there but as he hasn't finished it yet it is kinda... blah... so yeah... enjoy :)
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